Tuesday, June 14, 2011

"One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter."

For the past few days, as you know from my New England-longing post, I have been craving New England, but I have also been enjoying Irish dance these past few days too, and together these longings have both placed pain and happiness in my chest, I can almost physically feel it!  The pain comes from New England, and the happiness that I get from Irish dance is so overwhelming it hurts, but either way, I can feel something that I can barely contain, and only tears and actions will satisfy. 
     Every time I do Irish dance, or hear Irish music, I get an adrenaline rush and I become very talkative when I walk out of the building or studio.  I can come from the crappiest day I have ever had, or I can come from being very sad, to becoming ecstatic after dancing and hearing the music in the room.  But since my Saturday dance recital, and from getting the feedback and results from the digital feis, I have been very happy.  The happiness I feel when I walk out of the studio has lasted with me for four days now; I just want to keep dancing.  And just today, one of my friends said her mom wanted her to do ballet next year, but shockingly, she kind of wants to do Irish dance.  So now of course this made me VERY happy (once again), and I have sent her different camps she can do with me in the Summer, and now I wait for her answer.  But anyway, this happiness is overwhelming and wonderful.  I don't want it to go away.   
     Aside from that, the pain has come from the craving New England.  My want for Boston especially has grown, since for the past two days at school our Summer reading project, all the choices on it are about books taking place in New England, and when my teacher was talking to us about them, I almost cried!  And at that time, the pain in my chest was the only feeling there, the little light of happiness was as dim as a dying light bulb.  But I held them in.  So sadly, all these feelings I can barely contain, and I don't have to hold them in, but the feelings just so large, that I might run someone down from the excitement and anxiety!  Arghhh.  Some things in our hearts are just like the water behind a dam just waiting to break the hold down. 

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