Friday, July 8, 2011

"It's not who you are that holds you back, it's who you think you're not."

Just a thought that saddened me today...  While as I was at practice (dance for Nationals), I was doing my solos, and after I did my solos, my teacher, and an "assistant" I suppose he was, told me what I needed to do.  Ugh!  My problem is three things.
  1. I need to take up the whole stage, if not most.
  2. I need to keep my head up and not look down...
 "Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong."
'Am I scared of myself?  Am I afraid to meet my own eyes?  Why am I looking down at my feet?  It's not like my eyes are going to catch something wrong because I can feel it and I know what it is in my mind.  So stop looking down at your feet and meet the eyes of the freakin' world!' - Moi :(
Fear and shyness are too things I am when I dance.  I am not competitive, but what I am is, is a perfectionist.  Which is why during practice today, I thought I was doing well on my slip jig until my teacher told me I was looking down after I finished...  :( BUT when I did my light jig, wait for it... I KEPT MY HEAD UP!  So, afterwards I went to the girl that was teaching me my private lesson while I was going to get some water, and I looked at her and smiled, saying, "Did I keep my head up?"
And she smiled back, and nodded, saying, "Yep."
I was so proud of myself!  And I am succeeding in taking up the stage, but another thing I was having trouble with, and this is where I get really ticked, the girl was trying to get me, well, I wouldn't say competitive, but...hmmm... lets say prouder.  Yeah, my shoulders were back, and my head was looking up at the ceiling, but,
"'ECHO,' WHAT ARE YOU DANCING FOR!" She yelled at me.
I thought of Boston.  And a perfect day there.  I didn't want it to end.  But the thought made me almost cry.
What can I think of?  My mom said to do my best, and to push myself to that limit, but my mind likes to think of negatives and the possibilities of death and failure.  *Sticks tongue out at self*  Something is seriously wrong with me. 
The wrong way to think about it.
The right way to think about it :).

And just to sum it all up, night!

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